


Rapunzel's Gotta Find Herself a Mans

by 777777799



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 16:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10926060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/777777799/pseuds/777777799
Summary: Rapunzel, AKA Minseok, is stuck in a tower and unfortunately for him, every guy that comes along is a complete idiot who can't seem to get him down (and quite frankly, he doesn't want to be stuck with them even if they did get him down). His last resort seems to be this scrawny guy who's afraid of heights. Oh, and he's an excellent flute player.





	Rapunzel's Gotta Find Herself a Mans

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! Sorry I haven't updated the college AU in a long time but the next chapter is mostly written so I hope to get it out ASAP!! For now, please enjoy this really weird one... I made myself laugh when writing this and I hope you laugh too!!

_Once upon a time, there was a magical tower made of brick, and the mortar that held it together was made of magical ice. Way up high in the tower held a beautiful, pure maiden—_

 

“Did you just say I was pure? Pffft as if.”

 

_Anyway, this chick waited day and night for a handsome prince to show up and prove that they were manly enough to get him down from the confines of the tower. Many have tried, but none have succeeded… so far. The captive is about to give up and lose all hope, when a particularly scrawny looking prince came to try his luck. Honestly, the maiden thought he was the least likely to free him. I mean he was REALLY scrawny. Kind of stickish. Even more than that Duke of Oh and man that kid is a real noodle but at least he has height unlike—_

“OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH YOU CAN GET ON WITH THE STORY NOW, YIXING.”

 

_Alright long story short, watch one spunky little kid try to seduce another spunky little kid._

_“_ WE’RE OLDER THAN YOU.”

 

“Sure as fuck doesn’t look like it.”

 

\---

 

“RAPUNZEL! RAPUNZEL!”

 

“You’re gonna tell me to let down my hair, aren’t you?”

 

“Well…”

 

“For starters, the name’s Minseok. I dunno where the hell all of these men get “Rapunzel” from. Are they all of Rapunzel’s heartbroken lovers maybe? Coming after me to fill the void? If they are, man that Rapunzel girl sounds like a hoe. She broke a loooot of hearts…” Minseok flips his long, black hair and scrunches up his face in disgust. Man, he’s a feisty one, eh?

 

“I… uh… Hi, Minseok…”

 

“Well? Are you gonna do it or not? It’s kind of like a routine thing here, Prince whatever.”

 

The prince puffed out his chest and stood a little straighter. “My-my name is Prince Lu Han from the Lu Kingdom and I—“

 

“Okay, okay, Prince Little Han. Just tell me to let down my hair and we can get on with our lives.”

 

“A-actually, I was thinking of a… different way to get you down,” Luhan flashed a nervous smile. “If that okay with you, I mean?”

 

“Seriously? Really? You’re kidding, yeah?”

 

“N-no. I’m not kidding.”

 

“And why would you want to try something different? Why not prove to me that you’re man enough to climb up my hair and make it work, hm? That’s what they’ve all tried before.”

 

“You see…”

 

“Yeess???”

 

“I’mafraidofheightssoIdon’treallywanttoclimbupthere,” Lu Han mumbled, staring at the ground.

 

“Excuse me, you’re WHAT?”

 

“Afraid of heights…”

 

Minseok clicked his tongue and raised an eyebrow. “I see… well, that’s certainly a new one.” He thought it over for some time, staring hard at the nervous prince on the ground. He rested his cheek on one hand and waved around the other dramatically as he spoke. “So, uh, how, exactly, do you plan to, you know, GET ME DOWN FROM HERE? HMM? HMMMMM???”

 

“O-oh! I came up with a few things!! Don’t worry it’s all safe I swear!! I’ll be right back with some stuff, so stay right there!!” With that, the young prince ran off.

 

“Yeah, it’s not like I can really go far…” Minseok muttered under his breath as he watched Lu Han enter the surrounding woods. He rolled his eyes. Still, the young prince amused him to some extent, way more than the others. Minseok chuckled. He was definitely more sincere than all the rest that had tried before. Perhaps getting inside of Minseok’s pants wasn’t his priority. It felt quite refreshing.

 

\---

 

Thinking back, he remembered that one of the first men to try to get at him in the tower was a tall, lanky young man with blonde hair and brows that nearly met in the middle, giving him the most severe resting bitch face Minseok had ever seen. It was like he was flipping someone off with just his gaze. He stood confidently like he owned the land, and although Minseok was high up in the tower, it still seemed as though that guy looked down on him as a peasant. Minseok was immediately turned off, but he became especially turned off as soon as the guy opened his mouth to speak…

 

“Rapunthel! Rapunthel! Let down your hair!” Not only did the dude have a lisp, but his voice cracked at least three times just saying those few short phrases. Impressive.

 

“It’s Minseok, and why the hell should I? Who are you?”

 

“Why hello fair Mintheok! I am Oh Thehun, the Duke of Oh, from way up north that hath heard of the beauty of the fair maiden trapped in a horrible tower by the ith printh and I have come to let you down uthing my brilliant plan, if you would jutht be tho kind ath to—“ Sehun collapsed in a heap as Minseok threw down his bundle of heavy, long, locks of hair. The wad bunched at the bottom, completely covering Sehun in the pile of hair. Sehun eventually emerged and straightened out his clothes after tripping over the hair multiple times. His brows still wore the same bitter expression, although he tried his very best to smile up at Minseok, who promptly rolled his eyes. The combination of the smile plus the knitted brows made the guy look severely constipated.

 

“I will now climb up the tower uthing your hair ath a ladder!” Sehun said triumphantly, and grabbed a chunk of hair, tugged it and began to climb upwards. Or, at least he tried. “Thith…” he breathed heavily after a few minutes of trying and falling. “Thith ith harder than it lookth…But I’ll get there I promith!!” A few minutes turned into twenty minutes, which turned into forty-five. Sehun hadn’t gained any height trying to climb up. Minseok looked on with a bored expression.

 

“Hey, kid, how old are you?”

 

“Me?” Sehun looked up.

 

“No, that squirrel over there. Yes you!!”

 

“Why, I am fifteen!!” His voice cracked in the middle of saying “teen.”

 

“Get outta here, kid.”

 

“Huh? Why? I juth tharted! I got thith I thwear! Jutht a little bit more! I can’t wait to get you down becauth, I mean, thith tower ithn’t the only thing that’ths big and tall…” Minseok could see Sehun waggle his eyebrows seductively.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT. THE. FUCK. GOD, THE AMOUNT OF GREASE IN THAT SENTENCE GET HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU LITTLE SHITTY PUBESCENT BRAT.” With that, the mighty Oh Thehun ran as fast as he could, home to his parents so he could cry about it. Minseok heaved a deep sigh as he yanked up his hair. These idiots were nonstop. The next came shortly after.

 

\---

 

This time, two men appeared at the base of the tower. Minseok could already tell that the men were rather on the tall side compared to the surrounding trees. Coming to the window, it seemed that the men were in a heated discussion. Minseok decided to listen in.

 

“…okay so what you do is stand right there and then what I do is get up on top of your shoulders and since we’re tall we should be able to reach the tower…”

 

“Chanyeol, we might both be over six feet but there’s no way in hell that you stacked on top of me is going to get you all the way up like, three stories.”

 

“YIFAN, STOP WITH YOUR NEGATIVITY!! WE CAN DO THIS IF WE BELIEVE!!”

 

“I’m just telling you that we’re still WAY TOO SHORT AND UNLESS YOU CAN FIND A WIZARD OR SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU BIGGER IT, AIN’T HAPPENING.”

 

“FINE MR. WU “I AM MY BEST FRIEND’S COCKBLOCK BECAUSE I’M DUMB AND NEGATIVE” YIFAN. I’LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE.”

 

“I mean I’ve heard that others say they try to climb up the maiden’s long hair,” Yifan offered after a while. “You should try that. Our combined height will be an advantage.”

 

“OH!! I GOT IT!! A BRILLIANT PLAN!!! I’LL TRY TO CLIMB UP THE MAIDEN’S LONG HAIR—“

 

“That’s what I just sai—“

 

“SHUT UP FOR A SEC YIFAN I’M PLOTTING!! ANYWAY, I CAN USE THIS HEIGHT WE HAVE TO GET AN ADVANTAGE!! LESS TO CLIMB!!” Chanyeol was yelling at this point. All of the animals in a one mile radius have fled the area. Not out of fear, but shear annoyance. And therefore, Minseok doesn’t think he could take Chanyeol as his mans. Ever. Unless he’s a masochist and wants migraines. But he does not have that _particular_ kink. Not saying he doesn’t have any though…

 

Chanyeol finally turned to the tower, yelling even louder (how the fuck was that even possible?).

 

“RAPUNZEL!! RAPUNZEL!! LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!! IT IS I, CHANYEOL OF THE PARK HERE TO SAVE YOU AND MAKE YOU MY BRIDE!!!!!!”

 

Minseok huffed in annoyance, not bothering to correct the name, and ungracefully dropped his clump of hair out of the window and it landed right on Yifan who went down with a thud.

 

“Get up lazy head!! I gotta stand on your shoulders!!” Yifan emerged with an annoyed look on his face, sending a sharp glare to Chanyeol as he stumbled over the mountain of hair. Honestly, Minseok felt bad for Chanyeol’s friend, Yifan. Anyone who had to spend more than a minute around Chanyeol should be given an award. Come to think of it, Minseok has now been around Chanyeol for more than a minute. Once he gets out of his, he decides, he’s buying himself something heckin’ expensive.

 

Yifan knelt on the ground and Chanyeol clumsily tried to stand on the man’s shoulders. As Yifan began to stand to full height, his legs shook and wavered. He clearly wasn’t all that strong, and Chanyeol had bad balance. Soon enough, Yifan collapsed and Chanyeol was sent tumbling down. It was a comedic scene, especially when Chanyeol’s foot accidently came into contact with Yifan’s family jewels, earning an incredibly loud screech. All Minseok could do was laugh and laugh as they kept trying and falling, their long limbs entangled and sprawled all over the place after each failure.

 

As night came, Minseok eventually got bored, pissed and sleepy and he didn’t want these two imbeciles disrupting his beauty sleep with their constant bickering. So he finally spoke up.

 

“YO NUTHEADS!!!” The two on the ground looked up at Minseok for the first time. “I have never seen such IDIOCY in the past few hours that you’ve been here and I hope to god that I never have to see it again because I FELT LIKE I JUST LOST HALF OF MY BRAIN CELLS SEEING YOU BOTH TRY THE SAME DUMB PLANS OVER AND OVER. SEEING YIFAN TRY TO STRETCH CHANYEOL’S LIMBS TO MAKE HIM TALLER. TRYING TO FUCKIN JUMP,” he gestured to the tower. “UP THREE DAMN STORIES. YELLING INTO THE FOREST TRYING TO FIND OTHER PEOPLE TO STACK ON TOP OF ONE ANOTHER. TRYING TO SUMMON A REALLY TALL DEMON.” He took a moment to catch his breath. “NOW GO HOME I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I DON’T DESERVE TO LOSE MY INTELLIGENCE OVER THIS.”

 

“So… can we come back tomorrow then?” Chanyeol asked thoughtfully.

 

“GO THE FUCK AWAY AND DON’T EVEN LET ME SEE YOUR FACES AGAIN.” The two sulked away, but Minseok could hear their bickering start up again once they entered the woods. He could hear them long after they had left. Damn was Chanyeol loud. Thank god that was over with. Yes, he would buy himself a lot of expensive things once this was all over…

 

\---

 

Lu Han eventually came scurrying back with some long pieces of wood with markings on them and birch bark with drawings all over it that were too small for Minseok to make out from the top of the tower. It appeared that Lu Han was using the wood to measure the dimensions of the tower. He was in deep concentration and Minseok finally was able to get a good look at his features as he worked.

 

Lu Han had auburn hair that had a slightly messy and frazzled look, although that seemed to be expected from someone who had just come back from running around in the woods. He was definitely very skinny underneath the robes and tunic he wore, and Minseok thought that if the right breeze came along the boy would just blow away.

 

When Lu Han looked up occasionally, Minseok got a glimpse of his facial features. They were delicate and soft form what he could tell from far away. Lu Han’s nose seemed to point upwards in a cute sort of way, and the way his eyebrows knitted together in concentration gave off a completely different and, dare he say, beautiful look, compared to the constipated facial expressions of Sehun. But his eyes, wow, his eyes actually sparkled. Normally, one wouldn’t be able to pick out details of someone’s eyes three stories below, but they absolutely glowed with youth and liveliness. Minseok was definitely intrigued, but still really curious about how Lu Han would get him down.

 

Minseok was about to call down to him when Lu Han looked up, gave the biggest smile Minseok had ever seen, and walked back into the woods. Minseok could only swallow his words and wait for the boy to come back. He actually really hoped he would come back. The sun was setting and Minseok was actually excited for what would come the next day. He found himself drifting off into sleep still waiting by the window, thoughts of more past attempts in the front of his mind.

 

\---

 

Minseok awoke one morning to hear a lovely tune being hummed outside of his window. He lazily got up and stared down at the small man on the ground. The man had a lovely voice and sang with passion and deep emotion. Minseok allowed himself to close his eyes and sway to the gentle rhythm that moved through his body. That is, until he paid attention to what the man was singing.

 

_“Rapunzel, Rapunzel_

_Let down your hair!_

_For your white skin so fair_

_Is like none I have seen,_

_Except maybe pure white milk that has not yet turned old and green._

_You are as pale as a white horse’s bottom_

_And of yours, I’d like to have some._

_Your hair seems as long_

_As that one brownish river;_

_That one over there, all filled with dung._

_I’ve heard your voice is as gentle as a dandruff flake_

_That it may break_

_And get all over your clothes—goodness sake!_

_Your shining eyes_

_Reflect the sun’s rays_

_And perhaps this song will woo you enough_

_So you won’t notice I haven’t showered in days._

_I smell just a bit_

_It’s mostly the pits_

_But from up there you (hopefully) won’t smell it._

_You see I’ve been waiting in that forest of trees_

_Camping out in a tent until I may take my leave_

_To come out to you_

_So that I may woo_

_And that my time spent_

_Thinking of you, my dear fellow,_

_I then pitched a secondary tent_

_In my trousers below…”_

The man was about to open his mouth for another verse until Minseok, yet again, dropped his hair right on top of the guy to shut him up. Minseok could hear muffled sounds coming from underneath the pile until the guy’s curly hair popped out, the rest of him with it.

 

“Hey, guy, what’s your name?”

 

The man answered back in song.

 

“ _I am Earl Jongdae of Chen that my parents did send.”_

_“_ Um, okay so what’s your plan here? Are you gonna sing me down? Cuz I don’t think the laws of gravity really bend for music.”

 

_“I shall climb up your hair, so I may get up there!”_

 

“Can you stop singing, maybe? It’s getting annoying.”

 

_“But fair maiden don’t you see, I must woo thee!”_

“You know what, just climb my fuckin hair and we’ll see who’s wooed.”

 

Jongdae started out climbing like the rest. Unfortunately, he also ended like the rest. Landing on his butt. Not getting more than two feet off of the ground. When he wasn’t singing, he was making little whining sounds that drove Minseok absolutely crazy. But not the good kind of crazy. More like “if I hear another “WWEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII” I’m going to jump out this window” kind of crazy. After another really long time and a lot of sighs plus suicidal thoughts from Minseok, Jongdae finally tried to come up with something else.

 

_“Singing I shall attract the birds, they will carry me up once they hear my words!”_

“You’re going to what?”

 

“I said— _Singing I shall attract the birds, they will—“_

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what it was you said, but what does it mean exactly?”

 

“I WILL SING AND ATTRACT BIRDS SO THEY CAN CARRY ME UP TO YOU, GOT IT?” Jongdae whined.

 

“Well jeez…”

 

Jongdae then regained his cool, cleared his throat and held out the longest, most obnoxious note Minseok thought he had ever heard in his life. When will his misery be over? When will it end? When will all of the glass in the entire world break from this one damned—

 

All of the sudden, a huge bird came out of nowhere and aimed itself at Jongdae on the ground (who still had not stopped holding his note). Minseok was sort of amazed that his plan actually worked when he saw the bird pick Jongdae up. However, instead of the bird lifting him to Minseok, it just flew away in the opposite direction. Far, far away. And Minseok couldn’t tell, but he thought that out in the distance Jongdae’s singing somewhere turned into yelling. But that wasn’t his problem anymore.

 

\---

 

One cool evening Minseok saw a light out in the distance, traveling through the woods. As the light got closer, Minseok got a look at the man holding the light, which turned out to be a simple lantern.

 

“Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!! My dear pure maiden, it is I, Sir Baekhyun that will give you freedom and take your lovely flower!!”

 

“Call me Minseok, I’ll let you think that, I’d like freedom and again, I’ll let you think that.” Minseok listed out with boredom, not even looking at the young man before him, as he threw down his hair, missing Baekhyun by just a hair (ha hahaha get it?).

 

“I will now climb up your hair so I may—“

 

“Yeah alright I know the drill so start climbing lover boy.”

 

Baekhyun proudly held the lantern’s handle in his teeth and began his attempt at getting up Minseok’s hair. Once more, as expected, he didn’t get far at all, and made an absolute fool of himself falling down time after time. He sat down after a while, thinking about his next move. As if a lightbulb came on in his head, he stood up quickly.

 

“I know! I’ll melt the ice that holds the tower together and I’ll use your hair to help keep the fire going!”

 

“YOU’RE GONNA WHAT?”

“Your hair is just, like, extensions, right? Or a weave or something? Just take it out no worries I can buy you a new one. Something that’s better quality than this straggly stuff.”

 

“BITCH MY HAIR IS NO JOKE, UNLIKE YOU SEEM TO BE. THIS SHIT IS REAL. HOW DARE YOU.”

 

“O-oh… uh…” Baekhyun’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened and closed like a fish agape on land.

 

“Get out of my sight,” Minseok hissed.

“Wh-what was that?”

 

“GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT YOU BASIC BITCH.” Baekhyun promptly ran away as fast as his legs could take him.

 

\---

 

It was just about dawn when Minseok was awoken by rustling in the forest. He lifted his head from the windowsill where he fell asleep and wiped the dried saliva from his chin. He looked down to see what was making such a racket, and saw Lu Han emerge from the forest with his birch tree blueprints and measuring tools in tow. In addition to those objects, he had something else strung around his neck. Minseok couldn’t make out what it was, other than it was long and made out of wood.

 

Lu Han stopped at the base of the tower and grinned that beautiful, glowing smile at Minseok. For once, Minseok actually smiled back at the man before him.

 

“So, what have we this morning, prince?”

 

“You’ll just have to see, Minseok.”

 

Lu Han stood back quite a ways from the tower and set down his equipment except for the thing dangling around his neck. That, he raised up high to show Minseok, and then closed his lips around the top. Soon, a melody made with a high-pitched yet clear and sweet sound filling the early morning air. Minseok then recognized the object as a wooden flute. Lu Han’s fingers glided across the holes made on the hollow instrument as the notes changed pitch rapidly. Minseok thought he could watch Lu Han play all day long.

 

Minseok concentrated on watching the flute player so hard that he almost didn’t notice all of the figures emerging from the dense underbrush. He finally stopped to look around and couldn’t believe his eyes: for the tower was being surrounded by an increasing amount of deer of all types and sizes. The deer were everywhere. But he was not scared. He knew the forest was huge and that there must be a ton of deer living in it, but he had never expected this many.

 

Once the deer stopped coming, Lu Han stopped playing momentarily, and looked up to wink at Minseok who was still in awe. Lu Han then began to play once more, this time using a different melody than before. As if on cue, all of the deer began to assemble themselves in some sort of precise order at the base of the tower. They all seemed mapped out like they knew exactly where their place was, and where they would fit in best. Minseok suspected that was what all of Lu Han’s measurements were for. With the bottom layer built, consisting of the larger and stronger deer, the smaller ones began to stack on top of one another, still being guided by Lu Han’s flute. This continued and the mountain of deer grew until they created a gentle slope leading from Minseok’s window to the ground right where Lu Han was standing.

 

Lu Han stopped playing as soon as all of the deer were in order, and gestured for Minseok to walk down the hill of deer. Hesitantly, Minseok climbed up on the windowsill, and took his first steps down, going gently as to not hurt any of them, his train of hair gliding behind him. Once his foot finally reached the ground, he came face to face with Lu Han; the pile of deer disassembling and the deer scattering out into the woods once more. Minseok stared at Lu Han’s face up close for a long time. Lu Han was simply beautiful and handsome standing in the light of the rising sun. The shadows on his face rested perfectly to accent his best features.

 

“Are you impressed?” Lu Han finally said with a smile gracing his pink lips.

 

“I… I don’t even know what to say.”

 

“Maybe that… we could… you could…date… with me… or something…” The awkward Lu Han was back. Minseok just smiled and took his hand. They began to walk through the forest, but didn’t get too far until Minseok spoke up.

 

“Ah, wait I forgot to do something!” Minseok turned around and Lu Han rushed after him to the tower. With a wave of Minseok’s hand, the ice in the tower’s structure melted and all that was left of it was a simple pile of bricks and stone. “Okay, we can go now.” He started walking back into the forest when Lu Han stopped him.

 

“Wait, WHAT WAS THAT?” Lu Han yelled out of shock.

 

“Oh, um… I guess I should come clean about this now. But there was no evil ice prince. Just me. I got really tired of dating all of these scumbags and nothing working out so I made that tower to find the right person. I figured that the right one would know the best way to get me down. At first I was looking for the manliest looking guy. The one that would use his force and strength to climb up there. But hooolllllyyyy shhhiiiitt, those dudes were all idiots. So I guess, brains wins over brawny masculinity this time. The right guy did come along and know the best way.” He smiled sweetly at Lu Han.

 

Lu Han still had a confused and slightly panicked look on his face.

 

“Wait, so all of this was just to find the right guy?”

 

“Yeah I’m really picky about finding me a mans.” He shrugged. Lu Han still wasn’t smiling and Minseok felt worried. “Sorry… are you annoyed? I mean I can go a little overboard sometimes…”

 

Lu Han looked up with wide eyes.

 

“N-no, I’m not annoyed that you did this but…”

 

“But what??”

 

“Do you… do you think I’m not manly?”

 

“I…”

 

“I’ll—I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM THE MANLIEST FLUTE PLAYER IN THE WHOLE LAND.” Lu Han was holding back some tears. Minseok put an arm around him and smiled.

 

“Hey, I said I was looking for the manliest guy to get me down from there and be my mans right?”

 

“Y-yeah…”

 

“And you’re the only one that could do it. You’re so much manlier than all of them.” He wiped a stray tear from the beautiful prince’s flawless face. “And now my husband happens to be the manliest flute player in the entire world, I’m sure.”

 

Lu Han smiled brightly at Minseok, his eyes disappearing into crescents and Minseok couldn’t help but smile widely as well.

 

Somewhere in the distance, a small boy was crying his way through puberty. Two tall buffoons were icing their backs from sprains due to falling so many times. One man was being raised by a huge bird and another was stop, drop and rolling because his lantern lit his pants on fire.

 

The End.

 

 

 

_And so you see, being manly isn’t really a display of brawn, but rather brains. Perhaps with strength you can sweep a guy off his feet, but you sure as hell can’t blow it like a flute._

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please leave comments!!


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